For a long time, I saw regard and respect as the same. I offered both to elders, senior colleagues, or authority figures—thinking I was honoring them in the right way. But over time, I’ve come to a realization:
- Regard is a gesture tied to social norms—such as standing up when someone elder enters the room, using polite titles, and following hierarchical cues.
- Respect, on the other hand, is a deeper emotion. It’s about truly accepting a person as they are, beyond status or role. It’s about not judging. Accepting the person as-is without being judgmental.
For instance, I may stand up for someone out of regard but may not truly respect them. On the flip side, I may deeply respect someone but avoid artificial gestures that feel hollow to me.
The Challenge: Society Doesn’t Always Distinguish the Two
Most of the time, not showing regard is immediately interpreted as a lack of respect. This misunderstanding creates friction, especially in workplaces or traditional social structures. It took me years to notice how this misalignment subtly impacted my relationships. It wasn’t just about others misunderstanding me. I realized I, too, struggled when I couldn’t separate intent from action in others.
Disagreeing vs. Disrespecting
This reflection took me back to a blog I once wrote: Can I disagree and still commit? Theoretically, yes. That’s what strong teams do. But in practice? It’s messy.
Disagree and commit only works when I trust the intent behind the other person’s decision, even if I don’t agree with the action.
If I feel the decision was made with the wrong or unclear intent, something inside me resists. My commitment weakens. I may comply, but it’s not wholehearted. Deep down, I’m already waiting for the moment to say, “I told you so.” And that’s not commitment. That’s silent judgment. In those moments, my respect erodes, even if regard remains. And people feel it. Vibes travel fast.
I’ve Seen This in Others Too
Sometimes, people around me agree out loud—but do things half-heartedly. They show up, but not fully. And I can sense it.
It made me wonder: Can motivation be faked?
Can charisma alone drive action even when the intent is flawed?
From my vantage point, with over 20 years of experience, yes.
Charisma, power, urgency—they can all create temporary motivation. But it rarely lasts. When people sense a mismatch between what’s being said and what’s truly intended, they disengage. Slowly. Quietly. But surely.
When Integrity Feels Naïve (But Maybe Isn’t)
Lately, I find myself sitting with a quiet dilemma:
Can honesty and high integrity, without the dressing of charisma or strategic maneuvering, truly motivate people?
I want to believe yes. People can sense clean intent, consistency, and truthfulness. It creates a space of trust where real motivation takes root. Not because they were sold on something flashy but because they felt safe, respected, and seen.
But I also recognize the world I operate in. Business often rewards results over relationships and impact over intent. In that world, honesty without packaging can seem… Naïve.
It can look like you’re not playing the game smart enough. Like you’re too slow, too emotional, or too idealistic. And maybe some of that is true. Or maybe it’s just one lens among many.
I don’t have a clear answer yet. What I do know is this:
- I value integrity.
- I care about intention as much as outcomes.
- I want to truly motivate people around me—no fake gestures, no lipsticks.
- I can’t fake agreement or inspiration, and I don’t want others to either.
This may make me seem Naïve in a few places and with few people, but for me, it creates trust. The kind that doesn’t always speak loudly but holds quietly.
I haven’t lost hope.
I’m still learning !!!
I’m still trying !!!
However, I’m not here with a moral conclusion. I’m still exploring what kind of leader I want to be—and what it means to lead from a place of truth in a world that often values performance.
Maybe the questions are more important than the answers right now.