Have you ever wondered, “What do people really want?” I have pondered this question countless times, and the answer always feels surprisingly simple: people want peace—inner peace, to be specific. Yet, the path to this seemingly straightforward goal feels anything but simple.
In my journey through life, one thing has stood out: the idea that very few people wake up intending to harm others, either physically or emotionally. Those who do—the proverbial “less than 1%”—often act from deep pain or misunderstanding. So, if the majority of humanity is not driven by malice, what explains the struggles, conflicts, and chaos we often witness?
This reflection is my attempt to unpack these complexities—to understand the human condition, the obstacles to inner peace, and how fear underpins much of the negativity in our lives. Along the way, I’ll share moments from my history that have shaped my understanding of fear and virtues, hoping that they resonate with you.
The Illusion of Material Success
Growing up, I was surrounded by the narrative that material success was the key to happiness. I saw neighbors vying for bigger houses, relatives comparing salaries, and friends equating self-worth with the brands they wore. For a while, I bought into this illusion. After all, who wouldn’t want financial security, a beautiful home, and a sense of accomplishment? But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand: material success is necessary, but only to an extent.
Material success is like oxygen—you need enough to survive and thrive, but more of it doesn’t necessarily make life better.
Excessive focus on material gain can be damaging, not just to ourselves but to those around us. Let me share a personal story. In my early twenties, I worked tirelessly to land a high-paying job. I’d grown up watching my parents struggle to make ends meet, and I promised myself I’d never face the same challenges. I thought I’d feel secure when I finally got that coveted position. But instead, I felt trapped. The long hours, the competitive environment, and the constant pressure to outperform others drained me. I never let my guard down. I realized I’d been chasing a version of success defined by others, not by me.
This was my first lesson in understanding that different people have different “oxygen requirements” when it comes to material success. For some, a modest life filled with meaningful relationships is enough. For others, ambition drives them to aim higher. The key is to define success on your own terms and recognize when the pursuit of it starts to harm rather than help.
The Harm in the Journey
As I’ve observed people—including myself—I’ve noticed something unsettling. Often, the journey to material success creates more harm than the destination is worth. In our desperation to “win,” we resort to behaviors that don’t align with our true selves: we manipulate, compete unfairly, and sometimes even betray those closest to us.
At a time in my career, I was caught up in office politics. A colleague of mine, let’s call him Raj, was gunning for the same promotion as I was. Instead of focusing on my work, I obsessed over his moves. I’d hear gossip about him and feel envy and anger. I even considered ways to subtly undermine him—something completely against my values. One day, it hit me: What was I becoming?
The fear of losing that promotion had driven me to act out of character. Instead, I stepped back and asked myself, “Is this who I want to be?” That moment was a turning point. I realized that the fear of losing—whether it’s control, opportunity, or respect—can bring out the worst in us.
Understanding Negative Behaviors
Through introspection and observation, I’ve identified a list of negative behaviors that many of us fall prey to:
- Anger: Emotional outbursts that harm ourselves and others, often stemming from fear or frustration.
- Greed: An insatiable desire for more, driven by a fear of scarcity.
- Ego: Overestimating one’s importance, leading to conflicts and resistance to growth.
- Lust: Overindulgence in desires that distract from deeper fulfillment.
- Attachment: Overdependence on people or possessions, creating fear of loss.
- Jealousy/Envy: Resentment of others’ success, fueled by insecurity.
- Sloth/Laziness: Avoiding responsibility due to fear of failure or effort.
- Impurity: Negative thoughts or actions that conflict with higher values.
- Hatred: Harboring ill feelings, often born from unresolved pain.
- Fear: The root of many other negative behaviors.
The Root of Fear
In my experience, fear is the foundation of most harmful behaviors. Fear of failure, rejection, inadequacy, and loss drives us to act in ways that don’t align with our true nature. Take jealousy, for instance. Why do we feel envious when someone else shines? Often, it’s because we fear being overshadowed or ignored.
Here’s another personal anecdote. During a group project in college, there was a student who always seemed to get the professor’s praise. While the rest of us worked hard, he seemed to glide through effortlessly. I remember feeling a knot in my stomach every time his name was mentioned. One day, I decided to confront him—not aggressively, but out of curiosity. To my surprise, he admitted that he often felt like a fraud and feared the day someone would call him out.
That conversation taught me that fear is universal. Even those who seem confident and successful are often battling their own insecurities.
Cultivating Virtues
If fear is the root of negativity, then virtues are the antidote. Here’s a list of virtues I’ve come to cherish:
- Peace: Inner calmness regardless of external chaos.
- Love: Unconditional care for oneself and others.
- Happiness: Recognizing that true joy comes from within.
- Compassion: Empathy and kindness without judgment.
- Patience: Staying composed in the face of challenges.
- Humility: Acknowledging strengths and weaknesses equally.
- Truthfulness: Living with honesty and integrity.
- Contentment: Appreciating the present moment.
- Forgiveness: Letting go of anger and resentment.
- Gratitude: Being thankful for life’s blessings.
Addressing Fear
The question remains: how do we overcome fear? Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- Believe in Yourself: Trust that you have the skills and resilience to adapt and thrive, even in the worst situations. This self-belief reduces the need for defensive or harmful actions.
- Let Go of Control: Recognize that you can’t control everything. Instead, focus on what you can influence and trust the process for the rest.
- Live Authentically: When your actions align with your values, fear of judgment or rejection diminishes.
- Embrace a Growth Mindset: View failures as opportunities to learn and grow, not as indicators of worth.
- Practice Presence: Fear thrives in the past (regret) and future (anxiety). Ground yourself in the present through mindfulness or meditation.
My Journey Forward
As I’ve worked to address my own fears, I’ve adopted a few guiding principles:
- Contentment with Aspiration: Strive for growth without losing appreciation for the present.
- No Reactive Responses: Pause before reacting to situations, especially those that trigger anger or frustration.
- Parenting with Care: Plan for my children’s future without stifling their independence.
These principles aren’t perfect, and I’m still a work in progress. But each step forward brings me closer to the inner peace I’ve always sought.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, the journey to inner peace is less about changing the world around you and more about transforming the world within you. Fear may be a persistent companion, but it doesn’t have to dictate your life. By cultivating virtues and addressing the roots of fear, we can all move closer to the peace we desire.
So, what’s your next step? What fear will you confront today, and what virtue will you embrace? The journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth every moment.